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benefits of sobriety

If You Want To Be Sober You MUST Be Willing To Change.

If You Want To Be Sober You MUST Be Willing To Change.

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One of the hardest things about giving up alcohol is coming to terms with the fact that your life will need to change.

Your daily routines, your social life, your relationships, your attitude to work – in one way or another something about all of these things will change when you become confidently, comfortably, happily sober.

Thinking about this can seem daunting, overwhelming and downright scary. Generally, humans aren’t known for their love of change. We tend to fight it, fear it and have massive FOMO over it. We believe that the unknown is more or less bad and that life without alcohol will definitely be ‘less’.

Change is Normal

And yet, change happens to you every day. You eat different things, you look different, you wear different clothes, you have different conversations. We don’t see these as changes because they have become the background hum of our lives. They’ve become so commonplace that we don’t even realise that change happens around us every day. If you are willing to embrace change your sobriety can become part of that hum too.

Of course, unplanned change can stop us in our tracks and make us feel stressed and anxious. Learning that a loved one is sick, that you might be made redundant or that your partner is cheating can be devastating and leave you with your head spinning and not knowing what to do next. Disliking this type of change is natural and understandable.

However, deciding to give up alcohol is a planned change that you want. It is something you desire and yet I see so many of you fighting it, despite the fact that you know it will be good for you in so many ways.

How to Embrace Change

By being a Sobersista, by reading this blog you are already on the cusp of embracing the change you need to in order to change your life for the better. The thoughts are already there, the desire is already burning in you.

Acknowledging the fear that comes with that is natural but you can overcome it by educating yourself on what a sober life is really like. It may feel like staring into a black hole with you unable to see any hope of light but hope is there. So many women are living wonderful sober lives and it won’t take a great deal of effort on your part to find them.

Here are my 5 tips for making this wonderful change:

  1. Get clear about what your goal is. Is it permanent sobriety? Temporary? Is it sobriety so that you can achieve a health, work or personal goal? Write it down over and over again until you have all the detail perfectly clear in your mind.
  2. Give yourself an achievable sobriety target. I would recommend 30 days but if one day at a time is what works for you then that’s fine. I’ve designed a journal specifically to support you through your first 30 days. CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT OUT.
  3. Alter your mindset to accept that things will change. If you fight this change you’re only fighting with yourself. Don’t use your body and mind as a battleground for your fears and anxieties. Alcohol is likely to be causing much of your anxiety and as you become sober your anxiousness will lessen. This, in turn, will build your resilience and make change much easier to deal with.
  4. Accept that loving yourself is a necessary part of sobriety. We are so hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up at the first opportunity, we rarely believe that we deserve good things and alcohol helps to keep us in this state. Do one small self-care thing every day to remind yourself that you are worth feeling good about yourself every day. Talk to yourself as if you are talking to someone you unconditionally love and care for. The more sober you become, the easier loving yourself will become.
  5. Do one thing. If giving up completely today is too hard to contemplate, just do one small thing. Buy one book. Do some journaling to understand WHY you drink. If 6 pm on Friday is your big drinking night, just for one week, make a plan to do something different or be somewhere else – create a distraction that takes your mind off automatically drinking.

The Promise

My life has changed in so many wonderful ways since I became sober. I have confidence, I am the most authentic I’ve ever been, I am calm and happy just about every day. Yes, of course, there are some bad days and moments but they come and go and rarely make a significant impact on my life because I deal with everything with a clarity of mind that I absolutely love.

I have boundless energy, I sleep brilliantly (and sometimes I don’t but it’s not a big deal), my relationships have all improved, I am 100% hopeful about the future and life just feels gooooooooood.

For the first time in my life, I feel truly free and I know that every day I live life on my own terms. The feeling of liberation is amazing.

I promise you that this, and so much more, is available to you. You just have to believe that you can make the changes you know you want to.

So, thinking about your desire to give up, what one thing can you change today that will put you on the path to sobriety?

Much love always, Jules. xx

PS if you would like some one to one coaching support you can find out more HERE.

Sobersistas Top 3 Questions Answered

Sobersistas Top 3 Questions Answered

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I’ve been running Sobersistas Closed Group for over two years now and I’ve noticed that some of the same questions pop up on a regular basis so I thought I would tackle the top three.

Let’s start with an easy one:

Question 1 – I’ve just given up – why am I eating so much sugar?

I used to drink vodka and zero-calorie mixers because I read somewhere that it was the lowest calorie alcoholic drink. The fact that I drank so much of it and therefore still consumed tons of empty calories never actually crossed my mind. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent woman but honestly, the delusions I wrapped myself in about my drinking were astonishing!!!

It wasn’t until I spotted a couple of questions about increased sugar intake in the group that I did a bit of research. One of the things I learned was that an average bottle of wine contains 600 calories and you could tell that most women were replacing or even increasing those calories at the start of their sober journey. 

When you give up drinking, especially if you’re a wine drinker, your body craves the sugar it’s missing and sends you running for stuff you would never normally consider eating. I have never been a big fan of cake but in those early days I could have eaten it for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day – and sometimes I did! It was ridiculous.

Whilst we do need to be conscious of our health, I firmly believe that if you want to eat cake, candies and chocolate whilst you let go of the poison that is alcohol, then that’s fine. The crazy sugar cravings do pass in time and for me, I would rather eat cake than suffer all of the shame, guilt, blackouts, sleeplessness and everything else that goes with drinking.

Eat cake and enjoy it with the full knowledge that you’ve embarked on something truly amazing that will transform your life for the better in countless ways.

Question 2 – How long will it take for me to experience that ‘pink bubble’ everyone talks about?

If you’ve been in Sobersistas for a while you will notice that many women post in the group declaring just how wonderful life is since they gave up drinking.

For me, it was Day 21. I was walking to work and I stopped dead in the middle of the street as this physical rush of pure joy swept over me. I was completely overcome. I was standing in a Spanish street with cars whizzing by and I had the biggest grin on my face. I knew that this was a life-changing moment.

I knew beyond any question of a doubt that I would never drink again. There was no internal argument, no doubt and no fear. Just absolute surety and confidence that the rest of my life would be lived without alcohol and that this would be a brilliant thing and my life going forwards would only change for the better.

And it’s been true. I love my life now and since that day I can see that every day just gets better and better. I am more confident, more sure of my decisions, bolder in my decision making and have this consistent knowing that everything is always going to be fine.

I’m not unrealistic. I know that bad times will happen but I also know that whatever is to come will be dealt with without alcohol in a calm and rational way.

It’s clear from the posts in the group that the pink bubble arrives at different stages for everyone. My guess is that it arrives on the day every single part of you knows you’ve cracked the habit. A recent study showed that the average time it takes to form a new habit is 66 days but the range that makes up that average is between 18 and 254 days.

That range of between 18 and 254 days would certainly reflect my own observations of Sobersistas reports in the group.

So, I’m sure your pink bubble day will come but just remember that every day before that day is a wonderful one where you can experience the true joy of sobriety. Don’t waste a minute comparing yourself to anyone else. Just focus on letting alcohol go.

Question 3 – How do I get rid of the Wine Witch?

I don’t know where this wine witch came from. I wish I did. For me, it is, without doubt, one of the most unhelpful things that has come out of the sobriety world in recent times.

The reality is that the wine witch is you. Telling yourself that this mythical creature was whispering in your ear last night and that’s why you drank is letting yourself off the hook. It stops you from taking 100% responsibility for your actions and more importantly for your drinking.

It’s a delusion that keeps you drinking and keeps you from setting yourself free.

I know how hard it is to change your thinking so that you are honest with yourself all of the time. That can seem really difficult to face. Alcohol seduces you into believing the lies it tells you and keeps you stuck in the wine o’clock habit.

But, when you make the decision to embark on a life of sobriety, one of the first things you need to tackle is to examine your inner dialogue and to get real. If this is something you’ve been avoiding for years then it’s understandable that you don’t know how to do it or you fear what you might find out.

For me, when I realised that sobriety had gifted me the ability to be 100% honest with myself, 100% of the time, the emotional freedom it gave me is something I now absolutely love. I love it when I realise I did something that I should have done better – because I know what is to follow is a braver version of me that I really like.

My advice would be to do some inner mentor work and tap into your innate, feminine wisdom that has all the answers that you need. Spend some time looking in the mirror at who you really are – not that grumpy, hungover bitch that you hate – the beautiful, wise woman that is the truth of who you are.

Write a list of all things you like about yourself without shame or embarrassment. Doing this will enable you to take the first step in loving yourself and when you fall in love with the real you, alcohol will never cross your mind again.

Bonus Question – I’ve been sober for 4 months now – why is my life so boring?

This question, or a variation of it, is asked in the group just about every week. There is always one woman who has reached this ‘comfortable with sobriety’ stage and is asking herself the question ‘is this it?’.

In those early days, it’s natural to be totally preoccupied with the mechanics of giving up. Working out how to navigate your triggers, dealing with the detox, avoiding social situations, being terrified of turning into a human doughnut, deciding what to drink instead, etc., can be all-consuming and exhausting.

Getting beyond all of this takes approximately 3 months. Of course, it’s different from Sista to Sista but generally, by month 4, most women have become confident that they aren’t at risk of drinking.

What tends to happen at this point is the lack of daily and intensive sobriety management creates a vacuum and into that space rushes in….well, not that much. When you drink every night you don’t have the time or the energy to do very much else. Just think about how many nights you’ve wasted watching crap TV with a bottle of wine. How many hours have you wasted lying in bed with a hangover? Alcohol leaves you no time for anything else.

No time for hobbies, personal development, charitable work, career development, spending quality time with loved ones – all of the time you could have spent on improving your life has been taken up chasing oblivion.

Naturally, it makes sense that you might think your life is now totally boring. You are so out of the habit of making a good life for yourself that it can be quite hard to see what else you could be doing.

So here’s my tip – write yourself a letter. Write a letter to future you, one year from now. Write about all the things you’ve done in the last year as if it’s actually happened. Don’t edit yourself or limit your ideas. Just write a perfect and brilliant year and see what that looks like for you.

It’s critical that you have a vision, a plan and a future that you are excited about. Otherwise, for me, it’s just a waste of sobriety.

With love, Jules xxx

If you’re struggling with these questions and more, you can join me in our private space with your fellow Sobersistas. Check it out here.