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The Truth About The Wine Witch

The Truth About The Wine Witch

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I hate the ‘Wine Witch’

I really dislike stating that I ‘hate’ anything. Hate is a draining emotion that is only useful if it galvanises us into action. If you hate poverty enough then you will commit time and money to eradicate it. The same goes for all the injustices in the world. If one in particular resonates with you, you will commit to doing something about it. It may not be a lot of time or money – it may only be an occasional donation but it matters to you and those you are donating to. This is where your hatred of a situation is useful.

Hating anything contains a huge amount of negative energy so I try and reserve my hatred for things that I can do something about. That’s why Sobersistas exists because the one thing I do admit to hating is seeing women lose their essential, true and beautiful selves when they drink too much. When I see comments from women saying how they’ve let themselves and their families down because they drink, or that they are ashamed and disgusted with something they did when they were drunk – this enrages me.

Why Advertising Plays Its Part

The advertising industry spends billions a year telling us that drinking their particular brand will ensure we are sexy, well dressed, fit (think beer yoga!), have lots of friends, have outstanding holidays and barbecues and just generally live an amazing life. It’s a supreme irony that it actually delivers pretty much the opposite!

According to ads that I’ve seen recently:

  • One brand of gin is ‘filled with wonder‘
  • Another brand of gin attempts to persuade you that it’s unthinkable that you’d be too busy for a G&T at 5pm
  • One red wine invites you to ‘taste the passion‘
  • One ad for a particular brand of blue alco-pop sees a man in a bar lying to his wife that he’s in the office whilst the entire pub of men are all silent statues while he’s on the phone.

We have been brainwashed to believe that every moment of our lives must be enhanced with alcohol. We’ve grown up with it and since the advent of social media, we are now being drowned in it. When our relationship with alcohol gets out of control and we realise it’s time to take stock, it’s hardly surprising that we have a hard time letting go of it.

Whenever I see something about alcohol and it has some version of a wine witch on it I imagine a scene where a bunch of advertising execs are sitting around a table having a conversation that goes something like this:

 ‘our objective is to get more and more women to drink alcohol so let’s create a Facebook meme that portrays them as witches, which they can’t complain about because everyone will tell them they have no sense of humour. We will put something on it that’s non-offensive like ‘Witch Way To The Wine?’ and lots of women will think it’s funny and share it for free for us. Winning idea! Let’s crack open the champagne to celebrate!’ 

Of course, I could be wrong.  Even if I am, I still have a really big problem with women being portrayed as witches and all the connotations and messaging that goes along with that. Tying that image to alcohol adds the subliminal message that this is who we are when we drink.

Responsibility

It’s also laughable that alcohol ads come with a ‘drink responsibly’ warning when the very act of drinking reduces our ability to do exactly that. This effect of removing our level of responsibility begins to bleed into other areas of life. We stop taking responsibility for eating well, for exercise, for being diligent, focused and fun parents, for being a fully present employee and for being an inventive and sensitive lover. It removes our ability to communicate in a responsible way with our partners and every drink gets wedged between you and pushes you further apart.

For me though, the worst thing it does is that it reduces your ability to take responsibility for your sobriety.

In the early days of making your way to sobriety, this ‘wine witch’ starts to make an appearance. Maybe she was there when you were drinking but now that you’re trying to get sober she’s become your new best friend. Whispering in your ear that you’ll feel better if you have a drink, that your stress will disappear and you won’t have to deal with those awful things called feelings because they’re just nasty aren’t they?

The Truth About Responsibility

During the time that I have been sober, some of the most memorable and life-affirming experiences I’ve had have been when I’ve taken responsibility for some aspect of my life. Taking responsibility for my money and using it wisely and buying a home was a moment I will never forget – given the alternative might have been buying a motorbike and wandering around Europe – I must say I feel very smug when I wake up every morning in my lovely, lovely home.

Taking responsibility for my health has meant that I have researched healthy food that I like to eat and to persevere at the recipes until they taste good. I still don’t like cooking but I love how healthy I’m becoming.

It’s no different with alcohol and that non-existent wine witch. That voice you hear is you. But you know that don’t you? You’re just not ready to fully embrace what’s coming. And that’s absolutely and totally fine. Your day will come.

What To Do?

When you feel you’re being pulled towards alcohol, ask yourself ‘what do I really need right now?’ Do I need to feel relaxed, loved, warm, fed, hugged, connected, safe or comforted? Because that is what that voice is trying to tell you. It’s trying to tell you to be kind to yourself and to love yourself.

In Sobersistas we have MLT to help you. It stands for Most Loving Thing and is a snappy reminder to ask yourself ‘What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself in this moment?’ You know it will never be to drink alcohol.

Yes, this may take a little bit of adjustment and re-learning while you start to listen more deeply to who you are, but it will come.

In a very short time, you will begin to feel amazing about all of the brilliant choices you are making to make your life better and better. You have everything you need within you to let go of alcohol and live a life where taking responsibility for yourself is a true joy.

Remember, there is no such thing as the wine witch, there is only you. You are an amazing woman who has so much to give the world, don’t let some made-up nonsense keep you from your destiny.

Every Sobersista is here to support you too. 

If you would like to be fully supported in your journey you can book a free discovery call and we can have a relaxed chat about whether coaching might be for you. You can read more here. 

Much love always, Jules xxx

Buy your 30 Day Sobriety Journal from Amazon here:  https://amzn.to/3GKeb81

Sobersistas Top 3 Questions Answered

Sobersistas Top 3 Questions Answered

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I’ve been running Sobersistas Closed Group for over two years now and I’ve noticed that some of the same questions pop up on a regular basis so I thought I would tackle the top three.

Let’s start with an easy one:

Question 1 – I’ve just given up – why am I eating so much sugar?

I used to drink vodka and zero-calorie mixers because I read somewhere that it was the lowest calorie alcoholic drink. The fact that I drank so much of it and therefore still consumed tons of empty calories never actually crossed my mind. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent woman but honestly, the delusions I wrapped myself in about my drinking were astonishing!!!

It wasn’t until I spotted a couple of questions about increased sugar intake in the group that I did a bit of research. One of the things I learned was that an average bottle of wine contains 600 calories and you could tell that most women were replacing or even increasing those calories at the start of their sober journey. 

When you give up drinking, especially if you’re a wine drinker, your body craves the sugar it’s missing and sends you running for stuff you would never normally consider eating. I have never been a big fan of cake but in those early days I could have eaten it for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day – and sometimes I did! It was ridiculous.

Whilst we do need to be conscious of our health, I firmly believe that if you want to eat cake, candies and chocolate whilst you let go of the poison that is alcohol, then that’s fine. The crazy sugar cravings do pass in time and for me, I would rather eat cake than suffer all of the shame, guilt, blackouts, sleeplessness and everything else that goes with drinking.

Eat cake and enjoy it with the full knowledge that you’ve embarked on something truly amazing that will transform your life for the better in countless ways.

Question 2 – How long will it take for me to experience that ‘pink bubble’ everyone talks about?

If you’ve been in Sobersistas for a while you will notice that many women post in the group declaring just how wonderful life is since they gave up drinking.

For me, it was Day 21. I was walking to work and I stopped dead in the middle of the street as this physical rush of pure joy swept over me. I was completely overcome. I was standing in a Spanish street with cars whizzing by and I had the biggest grin on my face. I knew that this was a life-changing moment.

I knew beyond any question of a doubt that I would never drink again. There was no internal argument, no doubt and no fear. Just absolute surety and confidence that the rest of my life would be lived without alcohol and that this would be a brilliant thing and my life going forwards would only change for the better.

And it’s been true. I love my life now and since that day I can see that every day just gets better and better. I am more confident, more sure of my decisions, bolder in my decision making and have this consistent knowing that everything is always going to be fine.

I’m not unrealistic. I know that bad times will happen but I also know that whatever is to come will be dealt with without alcohol in a calm and rational way.

It’s clear from the posts in the group that the pink bubble arrives at different stages for everyone. My guess is that it arrives on the day every single part of you knows you’ve cracked the habit. A recent study showed that the average time it takes to form a new habit is 66 days but the range that makes up that average is between 18 and 254 days.

That range of between 18 and 254 days would certainly reflect my own observations of Sobersistas reports in the group.

So, I’m sure your pink bubble day will come but just remember that every day before that day is a wonderful one where you can experience the true joy of sobriety. Don’t waste a minute comparing yourself to anyone else. Just focus on letting alcohol go.

Question 3 – How do I get rid of the Wine Witch?

I don’t know where this wine witch came from. I wish I did. For me, it is, without doubt, one of the most unhelpful things that has come out of the sobriety world in recent times.

The reality is that the wine witch is you. Telling yourself that this mythical creature was whispering in your ear last night and that’s why you drank is letting yourself off the hook. It stops you from taking 100% responsibility for your actions and more importantly for your drinking.

It’s a delusion that keeps you drinking and keeps you from setting yourself free.

I know how hard it is to change your thinking so that you are honest with yourself all of the time. That can seem really difficult to face. Alcohol seduces you into believing the lies it tells you and keeps you stuck in the wine o’clock habit.

But, when you make the decision to embark on a life of sobriety, one of the first things you need to tackle is to examine your inner dialogue and to get real. If this is something you’ve been avoiding for years then it’s understandable that you don’t know how to do it or you fear what you might find out.

For me, when I realised that sobriety had gifted me the ability to be 100% honest with myself, 100% of the time, the emotional freedom it gave me is something I now absolutely love. I love it when I realise I did something that I should have done better – because I know what is to follow is a braver version of me that I really like.

My advice would be to do some inner mentor work and tap into your innate, feminine wisdom that has all the answers that you need. Spend some time looking in the mirror at who you really are – not that grumpy, hungover bitch that you hate – the beautiful, wise woman that is the truth of who you are.

Write a list of all things you like about yourself without shame or embarrassment. Doing this will enable you to take the first step in loving yourself and when you fall in love with the real you, alcohol will never cross your mind again.

Bonus Question – I’ve been sober for 4 months now – why is my life so boring?

This question, or a variation of it, is asked in the group just about every week. There is always one woman who has reached this ‘comfortable with sobriety’ stage and is asking herself the question ‘is this it?’.

In those early days, it’s natural to be totally preoccupied with the mechanics of giving up. Working out how to navigate your triggers, dealing with the detox, avoiding social situations, being terrified of turning into a human doughnut, deciding what to drink instead, etc., can be all-consuming and exhausting.

Getting beyond all of this takes approximately 3 months. Of course, it’s different from Sista to Sista but generally, by month 4, most women have become confident that they aren’t at risk of drinking.

What tends to happen at this point is the lack of daily and intensive sobriety management creates a vacuum and into that space rushes in….well, not that much. When you drink every night you don’t have the time or the energy to do very much else. Just think about how many nights you’ve wasted watching crap TV with a bottle of wine. How many hours have you wasted lying in bed with a hangover? Alcohol leaves you no time for anything else.

No time for hobbies, personal development, charitable work, career development, spending quality time with loved ones – all of the time you could have spent on improving your life has been taken up chasing oblivion.

Naturally, it makes sense that you might think your life is now totally boring. You are so out of the habit of making a good life for yourself that it can be quite hard to see what else you could be doing.

So here’s my tip – write yourself a letter. Write a letter to future you, one year from now. Write about all the things you’ve done in the last year as if it’s actually happened. Don’t edit yourself or limit your ideas. Just write a perfect and brilliant year and see what that looks like for you.

It’s critical that you have a vision, a plan and a future that you are excited about. Otherwise, for me, it’s just a waste of sobriety.

With love, Jules xxx

If you’re struggling with these questions and more, you can join me in our private space with your fellow Sobersistas. Check it out here.