When you’re thinking of giving up drinking, a future without it can seem daunting. I know when I was thinking of giving up the fear of failure stopped me from taking action but once I made the decision the freedom I felt was so wonderful.
Trying to imagine your sober future is bound to make you feel uncertain and uncertainty equals anxiety. Alcohol causes anxiety so you end up with a double helping of anxious misery which gets in the way of you being able to see the future clearly and accurately.
It’s not surprising, therefore, if you have shied away from making that final decision to quit.
Here are a few ideas to help you banish that indecision so you can get on with living the life you deserve.
There are a number of reasons that might be standing in your way of a better life. It could be Fear of Missing Out, fear that your relationship won’t survive, fear of failure etc. It might be that you have some ideas about giving up that scare you. It might be that you have some old stuff that you think you won’t be able to handle.
Here are a few ideas to get you thinking:
- Get clear about the cause of your fear. A great way to do this is to journal it out. You can use this prompt: ‘I am afraid of giving up alcohol because…..’
- Educate yourself. Reading ‘quit lit’, participating in the group, asking questions, talking to sober friends can all help you get clear about what an alcohol free life might be like.
- Examine any skeletons in your closet that are being kept there by alcohol. We often drink to push down or ignore our difficult feelings and if that’s you then finding the support you need to help you deal with this stuff is really important. Talking therapies, support groups and your doctor are all good places to start.
- Ask yourself ‘Is it true?’. Our fear kept us safe when there was a chance that a sabre-toothed tiger might eat you, however, our fears today are fears of the mind. Sometimes we imagine a future that we haven’t actually challenged within ourselves. The answers might surprise you.
2. Overcoming Fears
Sometimes when we think about a future without alcohol we lack the confidence to be sure that we aren’t going to miss out on some aspect of our drinking lives.
A fear I hear a lot is FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and it can be a big issue for many of us when we are considering giving up. If you have a fantastic social life, have a great time with friends and enjoy the relaxation alcohol brings then I can fully understand why you might fear missing out on what you see as pleasurable activities.
However, you are here because you are now suffering the negative effects of alcohol. The hangovers that are too much to bear, the blackouts that leave you uncertain about what you did or how you got home, the bruises of unknown origin, the resulting tension with family members, the need to have more and more wine to actually achieve that relaxation that you crave.
Or you’re here because it may be that your drinking isn’t creating chaos in your life but it’s just an unhelpful, unnecessary hum to the background of your life that you are sick and tired of.
It’s human to be a little fearful of an uncertain future, but if you’re in The Sacred Circle you see every day the positive benefits of going alcohol free, with women just like you, staying successfully sober.
Every long term sober woman will tell you that what you are actually missing out on is a huge list of positive benefits in every aspect of your life. You can still have your social life (many Sobersistas report having a better time sober!) and you can find lots of different ways to relax.
Making a positive choice to give up alcohol is liberating. In choosing an alcohol free life you are choosing personal freedom – a life to design as you choose without the debilitating affects of alcohol to hold you back.
Why would you want to miss out on that?
3. Learn to Trust Yourself
One of the most difficult aspects of making the decision to give up drinking is knowing that you can trust yourself to succeed.
I know I didn’t trust myself in being able to succeed and it stopped me from giving up for years. My fear of failure – and therefore having to consider I might be an alcoholic – was always bigger in my mind than trusting my gut instinct that alcohol needed to go.
Trusting yourself that you are making the right decision can be a big leap when you have a long history behind you of making all those bad decisions you made when you were drunk or hungover.
I know how scary it can seem to give up something that is such a huge part of your life, but if you can spend just 10 minutes of quiet time tuning into your heart and intuition, you will find all the answers you need.
When you find that quiet time, ask yourself the following questions in relation to giving up:
- Why do you want to give up? Close your eyes and bring your attention inward. Focus on your heart and ask yourself : “In my heart I want to give up because…” What is your heart telling you?
- What would life be like if you were sober for a year? You can do my Future You Guided Visualisation to help you get the clarity you need. CLICK HERE.
- Imagine there was no such thing as alcohol. Who would you be?
- What will being sober give you the chance to do, be or create?
Obviously, you can journal this out too.
We are wise women who have been blessed with intuition and gut instinct to help us make the right decisions but we live in a world where logic, fact and science is prized above all else. We don’t have these gifts by accident and I am sure that but tuning into them you will find the trust you need in yourself to make the right decision.
4. Get Curious
I see so many women come to giving up alcohol with a fully formed set of ideas about what’s going to happen when they stop drinking.
They think they know how the detox will go and they’ve read somewhere that it can be dangerous and even life threatening.. They won’t know how, or if, they will successfully manage their triggers. They won’t know if they have the emotional strength to succeed. Often this is why so many don’t make the decision at all – too many unanswerable questions.
There is a way to feel much more confident about making your decision to stop. You can get curious.
Asking yourself as many ‘what if’ questions as you can come up with will help you come to a decision that could change your life into something that brings you joy every day.
- What if the detox is bad? – You can research and speak to your doctor. What if it’s not?
- What if I get the same trigger every day? – You can design your own trigger management programme to ensure success. What if you don’t? Download your free Trigger Diary HERE.
- What if I fail? – In Sobersistas we don’t believe in failure. For us failure is part of success. Every time you fail, you’ve learned one more thing not to do. But what if you succeed?
- What if I don’t like my sober self? – But what if you do? What if you finally deal with all those demons that made you drink in the first place? (My promise – you’re going to really love your sober self!)
Try this exercise – write down all of your ‘what if’s?’ and see where they take you. Keep an open mind in regard to the possible answers that might come to you.
If you are really struggling with finding an answer you know your fellow Sobersistas will be there for you. Come into the group and ask for help: LOGIN
You’re here because your heart has already made the decision, even if your head hasn’t caught up yet. Follow your heart darling.