Menu
Cart

quit alcohol

You Can Give Up Alcohol

You CAN Give Up Alcohol

, , , , , , ,

“I can’t do it!”

 
Of all the phrases I hear in my coaching sessions, this is the one I hear most often. 
When you experience a day that is filled with so much stress, doing and overwhelm you will probably open a bottle of wine and the mental torture begins.
  • “You see, you’re useless.”
  • “God, I’m pathetic, I can’t even stay sober for 3 days straight.”
  • “I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay sober for any length of time. I just can’t do it!”
A whole week of staying sober is obliterated in a tirade of personal insults where you tell yourself that you’ve never achieved anything good in your life and so, obviously, you can’t stay sober.

A Woman’s Life

Women, through various circumstances, often find themselves in situations where it is required of them to do more than they ever could have imagined they could bear. When we drink regularly we unconsciously make our lives so much more difficult. 

We Care

We do the lion’s share of caring for children and our elderly relatives. Yes, these are often joyful choices we make, but if you’ve ever been a single parent with an absent father, you will know the daily stress, fear and grind of keeping everything together so those you love can thrive. The hours are punishing and, of course, we are at the bottom of the list for care.
 
When our children are at their most vulnerable ages we go to work because a) financially we have no choice and/or b) we have skills and talents that deserve to shine in the world so we can operate as whole women. Childcare is costly, so the financial balance is often calculated on the head of a pin. When we come home, often we have to make sure the house runs smoothly.
 
Every time one of our children is in trouble, we drop everything, juggle like a crazy woman and run to them. We empty our purses for them and give them anything we have that they want. We lie awake at night worrying about their adult choices, forgetting that they are in fact, adults. (They will always be our babies won’t they?)

We Move

We move cities and countries for a better life and make sure that every item is carefully packed and itemised. This ensures that children’s toys are unpacked first to keep them occupied and tea-making necessities are next.  Many years ago, I was admitted to hospital with a burst appendix a couple of days before a house move and spent months afterwards finding socks in pans and pencils in the bathroom so I know the value of proper packing!

We Work

We push hard to educate ourselves and work harder than some to ensure we can get the promotion that puts us in a pay bracket that allows us to breathe. To have all of this we have to live in a state of perpetual exhaustion and start to feel resentful and hopeless about the future. 

We Suffer

From childhood through to menopause and beyond we suffer huge and small aggressions from men, society, crap employers, financial institutions – blah blah blah – and in the majority of cases we just have to suck it up. Each aggression either makes us more aggressive or wears us down just a little more. 
 
If you have an old trauma, the expectation is often that you should ‘get over it already’. Or you don’t talk about it so you don’t make other people uncomfortable and you don’t believe anyone actually cares about this stuff anyway. There is no time or money for therapy and that trauma sits like a tightly coiled spring, waiting for the next ‘thing’ to set it off.

We Change

It’s only this year that the menopause is being talked about in organisations and women are being supported for what can be a crazy, scary and depressing time of their lives. The changes to our bodies and minds can induce lunacy because we feel suddenly out of control. Of course, we just keep going because we have to. 

We Age

Wandering to retirement, sometimes with not enough money to stop working, is terrifying and the prospect of working till you die sometimes looks like a real possibility. Seeing your body age in a world that demands you stay young is frustrating and makes you feel like you’re out of control and it’s too late to do anything about it. 

We Persist

And through it all, we keep going, we manage and we drink. At this point, you might be arguing that alcohol should be on prescription for free because it’s one of the only things that will give us some sort of temporary peace!
 
Of course, what I have written above is maybe a slightly exaggerated set of scenarios and if only one or two of them applies to you then it’s hardly surprising you have relied on alcohol to cope. 

You Are Strong

But if you have lived through or are in any of the situations I have described above then the strength you have had to draw up from within yourself is immense.
 
You have the strength to stop drinking because you have learned how to be strong through the simple act of living your life. You have overcome immense challenges in your life and along the way you have learned new things about what you’re truly capable of. 
You have made huge decisions to improve your life by moving to another country or city, getting out of an abusive relationship or changed jobs when it felt like a risky move.
Which means you absolutely have the strength to give up alcohol. You can do it because, contrary to what you may have been telling yourself, this liquid poison has no personality so it isn’t going to fight back if you decide to drop it as your best friend. It isn’t going to send you threatening messages or stalk you down the supermarket aisles threatening to jump in your basket.

Try This Exercise

Take out your journal and answer this prompt:
The things I have done in my life that have required me to be strong are…
Keep writing until you remember everything. Read it back once you’re finished and underline the words and phrases that highlight just how strong you have been until now. You will see just how amazing you are.

You CAN Give Up Alcohol

Face alcohol and be the woman you always are, strong, capable and easily able to overcome this tiny, insignificant, health-damaging liquid that makes you believe the lies it tells you. Be your own heroine.
 
I promise you that you can do it. The detox is uncomfortable but brief and the necessary reframing of your thinking is so much easier once you’re clear of alcohol.
 
I know you can do it because I did it. I have lived through many of the things I have listed above and when I stopped drinking I realised what an amazing woman I am. I will never allow anything to stop me from living the life I deserve and I owe that confidence and clarity to my sobriety.
 
Rise up. Be the woman I know you are.

Much love always, Jules xxx

quit alcohol

A Soul-led Approach to Quitting Alcohol

, , ,

Physical Harms

Alcohol is bad for your body – surprise, surprise. Colon cancer, breast cancer, high blood pressure, inflammation, heart disease, liver disease, ulcers, dementia, osteoporosis – you know these things and yet you may still be drinking.

It isn’t hard to find information on the internet that will inform you in graphic detail just what alcohol does to your body. You know this. You drink despite this. You drink and ignore this horrific physical alternative. Why?

It may be that, as a unique human being, you have a reason that is different from every other woman and there is no immediately obvious answer to why you ignore this inevitability of doom and keep throwing wine down your neck.

But, if this knowledge isn’t enough to make the change and the risk of cancer isn’t enough to make you stop, what on earth would?

What does your soul need?

Perhaps what you need is something deeper, more meaningful.

What if the real problem is your soul?

I know there is a yearning in the deepest part of us that is crying out for something. It sat in me for 40 years while I drank away my life. I could never have named it because I was never clear-minded enough to identify it in the first place.

I could never have connected with it because I couldn’t get anywhere near it. I just had this ache somewhere that I couldn’t find that alcohol kept far enough away from me so that I couldn’t see it and quiet enough so that I couldn’t hear its song.

Now that I have been sober for over 5 years it’s blindingly obvious. My soul wanted peace. A quiet, gentle peace, undisturbed by doubt or fear. My soul wanted to be unshackled from alcohol to pursue its own freedom and wants.

There isn’t one drop of alcohol that could ever have given me that. Ever.

In your journey, perhaps you are focusing on being terrified of the detox symptoms whilst at the same time being scared of the health harms you know alcohol is inflicting on your body. It’s an endless catch-22. Fear of the detox – drink, fear of the health harms – drink so you don’t have to think about them.

Connecting with your soul and what you truly, deeply want in your life might be the answer.

Get answers from your soul

Try this – Imagine you have overcome your fears and know with 100% certainty that you will physically recover. Take a few calming deep breaths, close your eyes and imagine you know exactly where your soul is and ask yourself these questions:

  • What matters most to me in the world?
  • What do I want to have achieved by the time I die?
  • How do I want to live the rest of my life?
  • Who do I want to love more?
  • How do I want to be remembered when I am no longer here?
  • If I had all the resources I needed, what would I do?
  • Who could I serve that would give my life joy and meaning?
  • If I was free – what next?
  • Without alcohol – who am I?
  • Without alcohol – who could I be?

Listen to what your soul has to say. Perhaps the answers that rise up from within you are the ones that can be your motivation to let go of this useless liquid that is draining the beauty and joy out of you and your life.

If you need some support to help you quit alcohol for good and to tune in to what your soul is craving, you can work with me on a one to one basis. FIND OUT MORE HERE

If you prefer to go it alone, My 30 Day Sober Journal is available on Amazon and will provide you with the structure and inspiration for your first 30 sober days. Get it here.

What does your soul truly want?

Much love always, Jules. xxx

What to expect when you stop drinking

What to expect when you stop drinking

, , , ,

Whenever you stop eating, drinking or taking anything that you’ve been having regularly, it’s logical that your body will go through a period of re-balancing while it returns to normal. With alcohol it’s no different.

If you are considering giving up alcohol for good or for a short period of time, when you stop you will go through a withdrawal and detox period. The symptoms you will experience may vary depending on your own physiology and how much you’ve been drinking.

If you’re also taking regular medication your detox and withdrawal symptoms could be complicated so it’s vital that you consult your doctor before embarking on a ‘cold turkey’ approach.

However, for the majority of women who have been drinking regularly, the symptoms and experiences that are reported by Sobersistas are similar enough to be able to offer a summary of them. This information has been gathered from anecdotal evidence from the members of Sobersistas Membership Group and from the NHS website.

Heavy Drinkers

If you have been drinking more than 20 units a day you MUST consult a doctor to ensure that you are fully supported through the initial stages as the withdrawal can be severe and dangerous.

TIP: Educate yourself about the amount you’re drinking and the effect this is having on your body and what will typically happen when you stop. Don’t leave it to your imagination to do the work for you. You can work out your units here: Unit Calculator 

First 48 Hours

If you have been drinking less than this you should be fine but won’t feel 100% for the first 48 hours. This is just the poison leaving your body.

TIP: It’s best if you can organise your days so that you can rest as much as possible in those first two days, perhaps by food prepping before hand or having a couple of days of takeaway. You can always address your eating habits when you’re sober because you will have the energy and motivation to do so.

Sleep

It’s likely that your sleep will be disturbed but this should return to normal within a month. Many Sobersistas have varied experiences in regard to sleep. If you are in the menopause or are taking medication or have other issues, this might effect your sleep regardless of whether you have alcohol in your system. However, most Sobersistas report improved sleep quite quickly after stopping drinking. For me, how well I sleep now is one of my favourite things about being sober.

TIP: Create an evening sleep routine an hour before bed. You could spend a few minutes tidying up and having things set up and ready to go in the morning. You can add some extra time into thoroughly cleansing, toning and moisturising your face rather than scraping a wipe over it. You can take a moment to write down or just think about the things that have happened during that day that you are grateful for. Spray some lavender on your bedding and take a book with you. No screens obviously as they just keep you awake.

What to Drink?

One of the most successful ways to break bad habits is to introduce new, good ones to replace them. Obviously you need to drink as much water as you can manage to help with flushing the toxins out but if you’re not a water lover you can add fruit to make it a bit tastier. It can feel odd and uncomfortable not to have a glass in your hand when you relax on the sofa but you can change the drink for something else whilst still enjoying the ritual.

TIP: Use this time to experiment with what drinks you would like to try. Alcohol-free drinks have improved enormously in recent years so you could buy a raft of different ones to try out. You could spend those first 10 days becoming an expert mocktails mixologist till you find one you love. Remember, your taste buds do change when you remove a particular food or drink from your diet. I drink lots of water now but I never used to. When I first started upping my water intake it was SO boring! Now water tastes sweet and apart from a couple of cups of morning coffee I drink water all day. You will find that when you stop drinking alcohol, eventually you will come to realise how truly awful it actually tastes.

What to Eat?

The general advice is always to eat as healthily as possible and if you generally eat quite well then this will help. However, I personally believe that embarking on this change is a significant enough lifestyle change without adding the pressure of trying to change your diet at the same time too. I would say eat whatever you feel – you can always exercise and diet later. Too much change all at once is only likely to overwhelm you and increase your chances of failing.

TIP: However, if your diet is really important to you an excellent nutritionist I have worked with kindly wrote a blog about how to deal with the sugar cravings, which you can read here.

How will you feel?

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to be specific about how you are going to feel but most Sobersistas report headaches and general tiredness and lethargy. You may also feel emotional so it’s important to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can during this time. Obviously if there is anything that causes you concern you must contact your doctor.

TIP: Organise your stop date at a time when you have some down time. You will still be able to function and get all the things you need to get done but if you can start your last day one at a time where you have a few easy days ahead of you it will be so much easier. Over the counter headache tablets should be fine to deal with your headaches. Just remember you are detoxing poison out of your body so you need to be kind and patient with yourself so that you give your body a chance to heal.

Self Care

If you have ever changed a habit in the past, like stopped eating bread or drinking coffee then you will already have a habit changing strategy that you can call on to use again. If you haven’t changed your habits in the past try this analogy. Imagine you want to potty train a baby out of nappies. You aren’t going to  be angry with the baby or be ashamed of them if they don’t get it right while they are learning are you? You would be kind, and encouraging and give rewards for the right behaviour wouldn’t you? So why not approach it for yourself in the same way?

TIP: Take care of yourself in those first 7-10 days. Have bubble baths, go for walks, meditate, read books and magazines, watch TV – basically anything that relaxes you and makes you feel good. Use your alcohol money on the best scented candles and bubble bath. Be kind to yourself.

Triggers and Cravings

The best way to deal with drinking triggers and cravings is distraction. Cravings come in waves and are temporary so if you can distract yourself with a small task for 15-30 minutes your cravings will pass. Be clear about your motivation for doing this – you aren’t removing a good thing from your life, you are actually choosing to face forwards to your new life.

TIP: Fully embrace the change you want to see in your life. Don’t fight alcohol out of your life – you’re unlikely to win.  Before triggers and cravings strike make a list of all the things you can do to distract yourself like, go for a walk, 3 X your hand cream which will take about 15 minutes to massage in, put some music on and dance till you get rid of the excess energy in your body, put one of the kids favourite TV programmes on, sit and watch it with them and join in. There are a million things you can do.

Journal It Out

I am a huge fan of journaling for Sobersistas because once you get all those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and onto the paper you will be able to get some much needed distance from them which will help improve your perspective. If you want to change your life for the better then developing your self awareness is crucial and journaling is one of the best ways I know to achieve this. Yes, it can sometimes be a bit of an uncomfortable journey but the destination is so worth a little bit of discomfort.

TIP: Buy a journal solely for exploring your thoughts about your relationship with alcohol. It’s invaluable to have all your thoughts in one place so you can begin to spot patterns as you write and review. (I wrote about alcohol for 3 months in my journal before I realised what I was doing!) Here are some journal prompts to get you started:

  1. Giving up alcohol is going to be so beneficial for me because…
  2. The ways in which I can see my relationships improve when I’ve stopped drinking are…
  3. A year from now my sober life will be… (To help with that vision you can listen to my Future You Guided Visualisation)

You can get your own Sobersistas journal here.

The Other Side

On the other side of this very short period is a wonderful life free from those poisonous ties that bind you and keep you stuck in the same place. I have created a free 27 page journal called My Sober Year which will help you get clear about your relationship with alcohol over the last 12 months and give you the tools to create a positive vision for yourself for the year ahead. You can get your free download here.

Additional Support

Those first 10 days are just the first step in changing your life for the better. If you would like some further support to help you make this change permanent you can have a free 30 minute chat with me about whether coaching might be for you. FIND OUT MORE HERE.

I wish all good things for you.

With love always, Jules xxx

10 tips to help you have a joyful sober christmas

10 Tips to Help You Have a Joyful Sober Christmas

, , , ,

There is no other time of the year that has the capacity to fill us with a mixture of joy, happiness and absolute dread. Christmas can be laden with such massive expectations that we can end up worrying and whittling our way to the big day in a frantic hurry, chasing the perfect gift, the perfect turkey, the perfect decorations.

We flap around sleeping arrangements for visiting relatives, wondering where everyone is going to sleep and sit, and wonder just exactly how long they will stay. Of course, we love our rellies, but being with them for extended periods of time when we don’t live with them anymore, can be stressful.

And what if they are big drinkers and you’ve been doing SO well on your sobriety journey? Thinking about what might happen could be a scary prospect.

The Fears

  • You’re not sure yet if you have the strength to be the only one at the dinner table with a glass of Nosecco or sparkling water.
  • You’re not sure if you will have the confidence to stand up to that relative who you know will keep bugging you to drink.
  • You’re not sure that you have the patience to stay calm in the face of drinking in-laws.
  • You have no idea how to get everything ready without your usual Bailey’s, mulled wine, and champagne.

Recently Sober?

I know if you’ve been sober for a few months, you might be stressed about not knowing whether you will slip up. You might even be having a conversation with yourself right now about how “It’s the holidays, I’ll just drink until New Year and then stop again. I’m sure I will be fine”. 

Still Drinking?

And if you are still drinking you’ve probably decided that there is no point in even trying to give up now and you’ve pretty much decided to wait till the New Year. The problem is, you know mixing alcohol and the holiday season has the potential for disaster and you also know that getting an early start on Dry January would be the best thing for you to do. 

Planning                                                                                                                                                               

Without some thoughtful planning, your quest for the ‘perfect’ holiday season can overshadow the whole point of this time of the year. It can make things unbelievably stressful and before you know it you will wake up on New Years Day, nursing the hangover from hell and wondering just exactly where your great intentions went.

So from my heart to yours, here are a few hints and tips to help you have the kind of Christmas you will want to remember forever.

1. Set Your Intentions

What exactly does this time of year mean to you? Yes, of course, it’s great to get together with loved ones and have a fun time but have you ever asked yourself whether you could still enjoy it just as much if you didn’t drink? 

Is it really about how much money you can spend on loved ones or how perfectly the turkey was cooked? Or how much food was cooked? Is it really about excessive consumerism and once a year over-feeding, or is it a chance to spend some quality time with those you love? 

What kind of Christmas do you truly want this year? What about considering a different kind of Christmas – just because you’ve always done it a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to continue to stick to the same exhausting routines. 

Without alcohol, these are wonderful times to spend some quality, crazy, fun time with those you love. Take a moment to think about witnessing the excitement of the little ones watching the lights being switched on or on Christmas Eve as they leave out a carrot for Rudolph. Or being able to see every expression on your kid’s faces as they open their gifts on Christmas morning. Or seeing your partners’ absolute delight at receiving exactly what they wanted.

Here’s a journal prompt to help you get clear about exactly the kind of holiday you want:

The most important thing to me at Christmas is…

2. Money, Money, Money

Consider making a donation to a charity. How about donating the amount of money you would usually spend on alcohol? How about not buying those unnecessary stocking fillers that will end up under the sofa, discarded or broken? You could suggest involving the whole family. Being together at this time of year is a wonderful time to be grateful for the roof over your head when so many have none.

Please consider donating to Crisis, a UK charity that supports the homeless. CLICK HERE to donate.

3. Do Something New

Is there something you have always wanted to do, like have a no-TV day? Or play board games all day? Or go for a walk? Or create a  photo album or video? Or volunteer at a homeless shelter for a little while on Christmas Day? Better yet, ask your loved ones if they have any ideas. Or have a children-centred holiday where the children in the family decide what they want to do for a portion, or all, of the day? Get creative and you could make it a time to remember for all the right reasons.

4. Drinking Relatives

Unfortunately, many people see Christmas as a perfect opportunity to get totally smashed. They start out with Buck’s Fizz for breakfast, champagne, prosecco and wine with lunch and then Bailey’s, sherry and other stuff they never usually drink whilst slumped in front of the television. And of course, they want you to join in.

Staying sober will enable you to deal with anything that comes your way. If you adopt a nonchalant approach when you are challenged then, eventually, anyone who is trying to persuade you to drink will get bored from trying. Once they have had a few drinks they won’t remember you’re not joining them anyway. Here are 30 Ways to Deal With Alcohol Bullies.

5. Alternatives

Having some alcohol-free alternatives might be just what you need to dodge some of those difficult conversations. Having a glass of something that looks like alcohol should provide enough of a diversion to keep you safe from being poked at all day.

6. Be Proud of Your Sobriety

Just because the majority of society thinks that these holidays equal booze doesn’t mean you have to join in. Be proud of how well you have been doing and show all of your loved ones all of the wonderful gifts you have gained since quitting. Show them how happy you are, how much energy you have, how much time you can give everyone and leave them feeling heard and loved. Show them that it’s the best thing you have ever done by being a shining example of sobriety. Leave everyone wishing they had the same sparkle you do. Not putting poison in your body is nothing to be ashamed of.

7. Reflect and Renew

Staying sober over the holidays is a wonderful opportunity to spend some quiet time giving some thought to what you want the following year to be like. Do a review of the year, particularly if you gave up during it, and make a list of all of your accomplishments. Make a note of how much time and money you save if you’re not drinking and make a decision to do something wonderful and life-affirming for yourself next year. Start planning for a future that excites you. 

8. Plan an Escape

If it all gets too much, take a moment to think about how you can get out of the house just to clear your head. Can you take the kids to the park? Take some Christmas Cake to a neighbour who is alone? Have a cup of tea with the lovely elderly couple up the street whose children live abroad. Go for a walk alone (or take the dog) – everyone will survive without you for half an hour!

9. You Don’t Have To Do It All!

The holidays can be such a pressured time to get everything ‘perfect’, so you spend most of the day fussing around making sure everything is just so. Don’t forget, it’s your Christmas Day too. How about making a game of getting the table set by hiding some items around the house and set everyone off on a treasure hunt? For example, hide the spoons somewhere in the house and promise the finder a treat for getting them to the table. Get creative and you can involve the whole family, and have them help you without realising it!

10. Plan to Have a Wonderful Time

If this is your first sober Christmas, why not think of it as a chance to have the kind of magical time you’ve always wanted? Alcohol has a way of derailing all of our best intentions but staying sober allows you to be truly mindful about how you want this holiday to be. Focussing on making wonderful memories for yourself and your family will give you such a huge sense of accomplishment and you will be so bustingly proud of yourself as the New Year rings in that you will wonder why you ever thought it was going to be better with booze.

Whatever you do, I hope you have a wonderful time and that the coming year turns out to be your year to truly shine.

With love, always, Jules xxx

P.S. Get ahead of Dry January by getting My 30 Day Sobriety Journal. 

Why I’m not here to help you give up alcohol

Why I’m not here to help you give up alcohol

, , , , ,

I know if you’ve been around Sobersistas for a while it might seem that the statement above is a bit surprising. The business is called ‘SOBERsistas’ after all.

Yes, if you came here to give up alcohol then then are lots of resources and support available to you to help you achieve that.

BUT

Bigger Vision

I am not just here to help you give up alcohol. My true mission is to help you discover, create and live the life you deserve – and I want you to stop drinking as part of the bigger vision I have for you.

As long as you continue to drink, you are draining yourself of energy and focus. You are not dealing with the issues you have and you are not allow yourself to create a vision of how life can really be. The physical, mental and emotional effects of alcohol are simply getting in your way.

And if you’re not giving up drinking to create a better life for yourself – what on earth are you doing it for? Once you’ve given up, what then?

A Failure

I’ve lost count of the women who I’ve seen who have successfully given up alcohol for months at a time, only to start drinking again and disappear from the group. They then embark on months of self-sabotage and self-flagellation in search of the proof that confirms what they always thought they were – a failure.

The reason this happens is usually always the same. They never did anything to take advantage of their sobriety to change their lives for the better. They didn’t fill the void that drinking left – sometimes that can be as much as 35 hours a week spent on drinking! They didn’t develop strategies to deal with the reasons they were drinking too much in the first place.

Does this sound familiar? Have you been in this situation more than once?

When you drink to deal with an unhappy relationship, an unfulfilling job that is stifling your natural talents or any one of the other million possible reasons, if you don’t have a plan to deal with these when you stop, they will still be there waiting for you and because they are a source of stress, you are more likely to go back to your default coping mechanism of opening a bottle of wine.

If you don’t tack these issues while your mind and soul are clear of alcohol then you will start drinking again because that is your default way of coping with that issue. If you don’t learn new strategies then we all revert to what we know when we think we don’t have any other options.

But there are other options.

Getting Sober is Easy

I know that this might cause some arguments and disagreement but getting sober is easy. It’s actually living with the consequences of knowing you want to stop and not stopping that is really hard. The moment you decide that alcohol is a problem in your life then you put yourself in a state of wanting and not wanting at the same time. Both can’t win so you end up torturing yourself as a failure when all you need to do is allow your desire for sobriety win the fight.

Netflix and Chardonnay

If your relationship is being held together with Netflix and Chardonnay then yes, it can be scary to contemplate breaking up. The problem with this way of thinking is that it’s very black and white and driven by the negativity that alcohol infuses in your. It’s entirely possible that your relationship could recover and thrive – or you could break up, feel good about it and end up living the life of your dreams.

Your Best Self

If you feel like your employer can’t see your talents and are frustrated that they are going to waste – you’re right. Alcohol causes anxiety and depression and a lack of focus, so no employer is going to see the best in you when you never present your best self to them.

Make the Decision

My job as a coach is not to help you give up alcohol. You could very easily stop right now without any help at all. You just need to make the decision.
What if, in making that decision, you became the version of yourself that deep down you know you’re supposed to be? What if you let go of everything in your life that isn’t serving you, including alcohol, and started creating the life that you know you deserve? What if you started chasing those dreams that you’ve harboured for so long because – why not? And why not you?
Coaching shows you how that is possible and reminds you of just how brilliant you are, to show you the wonderful things that you already know you can achieve in your sober life. I can give you the tools and the alternative options. Together we will discover the vision of the life you want to live and create the roadmap for achieving it.

This Half-Life

You are not meant to spend your life soaked in alcohol, living this half-life. You are meant to thrive, shine, make a positive contribution to society and bring some much needed balance back into your life, community and the world.
This quote from A Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson inspires me every time I read it. I have discovered how I shine and when I am coaching I can always see that dulled light that is in you. Together we can work out how to help you bring your light to the world.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I am not here to help you give up alcohol. I am here to help you live the life you truly deserve.

Find out more about working with me on a one to one basis:  https://sobersistas.co.uk/4-week-coaching-programme/

Alternatively, book your free 30 minute Discovery Call and we will figure out what works best for you: https://sobersistas.co.uk/book-your-discovery-call/

If you want a little more inspiration to see how you can live a fulfilling life without alcohol, I have a FREE WEBINAR just for you. CLICK HERE

Much love always, Jules xxx

4 Ways You Can Deal With Your Indecision To Quit Alcohol For Good

4 Ways You Can Deal With Your Indecision To Quit Alcohol For Good

, , ,

When you’re thinking of giving up drinking, a future without it can seem daunting. I know when I was thinking of giving up the fear of failure stopped me from taking action but once I made the decision the freedom I felt was so wonderful.

Trying to imagine your sober future is bound to make you feel uncertain and uncertainty equals anxiety. Alcohol causes anxiety so you end up with a double helping of anxious misery which gets in the way of you being able to see the future clearly and accurately.

It’s not surprising, therefore, if you have shied away from making that final decision to quit.

Here are a few ideas to help you banish that indecision so you can get on with living the life you deserve.

1.  Identify

There are a number of reasons that might be standing in your way of a better life. It could be Fear of Missing Out, fear that your relationship won’t survive, fear of failure etc. It might be that you have some ideas about giving up that scare you. It might be that you have some old stuff that you think you won’t be able to handle.

Here are a few ideas to get you thinking:

  • Get clear about the cause of your fear. A great way to do this is to journal it out. You can use this prompt: ‘I am afraid of giving up alcohol because…..’
  • Educate yourself. Reading ‘quit lit’, participating in the group, asking questions, talking to sober friends can all help you get clear about what an alcohol free life might be like.
  • Examine any skeletons in your closet that are being kept there by alcohol. We often drink to push down or ignore our difficult feelings and if that’s you then finding the support you need to help you deal with this stuff is really important. Talking therapies, support groups and your doctor are all good places to start.
  • Ask yourself ‘Is it true?’. Our fear kept us safe when there was a chance that a sabre-toothed tiger might eat you, however, our fears today are fears of the mind. Sometimes we imagine a future that we haven’t actually challenged within ourselves. The answers might surprise you.

2.  Overcoming Fears

Sometimes when we think about a future without alcohol we lack the confidence to be sure that we aren’t going to miss out on some aspect of our drinking lives.

A fear I hear a lot is FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and it can be a big issue for many of us when we are considering giving up. If you have a fantastic social life, have a great time with friends and enjoy the relaxation alcohol brings then I can fully understand why you might fear missing out on what you see as pleasurable activities.

However, you are here because you are now suffering the negative effects of alcohol. The hangovers that are too much to bear, the blackouts that leave you uncertain about what you did or how you got home, the bruises of unknown origin, the resulting tension with family members, the need to have more and more wine to actually achieve that relaxation that you crave.

Or you’re here because it may be that your drinking isn’t creating chaos in your life but it’s just an unhelpful, unnecessary hum to the background of your life that you are sick and tired of.

It’s human to be a little fearful of an uncertain future, but if you’re in The Sacred Circle you see every day the positive benefits of going alcohol free, with women just like you, staying successfully sober.

Every long term sober woman will tell you that what you are actually missing out on is a huge list of positive benefits in every aspect of your life. You can still have your social life (many Sobersistas report having a better time sober!) and you can find lots of different ways to relax.

Making a positive choice to give up alcohol is liberating. In choosing an alcohol free life you are choosing personal freedom – a life to design as you choose without the debilitating affects of alcohol to hold you back.

Why would you want to miss out on that?

3. Learn to Trust Yourself

One of the most difficult aspects of making the decision to give up drinking is knowing that you can trust yourself to succeed.

I know I didn’t trust myself in being able to succeed and it stopped me from giving up for years. My fear of failure – and therefore having to consider I might be an alcoholic – was always bigger in my mind than trusting my gut instinct that alcohol needed to go.

Trusting yourself that you are making the right decision can be a big leap when you have a long history behind you of making all those bad decisions you made when you were drunk or hungover.

I know how scary it can seem to give up something that is such a huge part of your life, but if you can spend just 10 minutes of quiet time tuning into your heart and intuition, you will find all the answers you need.

When you find that quiet time, ask yourself the following questions in relation to giving up:

  1. Why do you want to give up? Close your eyes and bring your attention inward. Focus on your heart and ask yourself : “In my heart I want to give up because…” What is your heart telling you?
  2. What would life be like if you were sober for a year? You can do my Future You Guided Visualisation to help you get the clarity you need.  CLICK HERE.
  3. Imagine there was no such thing as alcohol. Who would you be?
  4. What will being sober give you the chance to do, be or create?

Obviously, you can journal this out too.

We are wise women who have been blessed with intuition and gut instinct to help us make the right decisions but we live in a world where logic, fact and science is prized above all else. We don’t have these gifts by accident and I am sure that but tuning into them you will find the trust you need in yourself to make the right decision.

4.  Get Curious

I see so many women come to giving up alcohol with a fully formed set of ideas about what’s going to happen when they stop drinking.

They think they know how the detox will go and they’ve read somewhere that it can be dangerous and even life threatening.. They won’t know how, or if, they will successfully manage their triggers. They won’t know if they have the emotional strength to succeed. Often this is why so many don’t make the decision at all – too many unanswerable questions.

There is a way to feel much more confident about making your decision to stop. You can get curious.

Asking yourself as many ‘what if’ questions as you can come up with will help you come to a decision that could change your life into something that brings you joy every day.

For example…

  • What if the detox is bad? – You can research and speak to your doctor. What if it’s not?
  • What if I get the same trigger every day? – You can design your own trigger management programme to ensure success. What if you don’t? Download your free Trigger Diary HERE.
  • What if I fail? – In Sobersistas we don’t believe in failure. For us failure is part of success. Every time you fail, you’ve learned one more thing not to do. But what if you succeed?
  • What if I don’t like my sober self? – But what if you do? What if you finally deal with all those demons that made you drink in the first place? (My promise – you’re going to really love your sober self!)

Try this exercise – write down all of your ‘what if’s?’ and see where they take you. Keep an open mind in regard to the possible answers that might come to you.

If you are really struggling with finding an answer you know your fellow Sobersistas will be there for you. Come into the group and ask for help: LOGIN

You’re here because your heart has already made the decision, even if your head hasn’t caught up yet. Follow your heart darling.

Much love always, Jules xx