How long have you been thinking about giving up alcohol? Has it been day’s, week’s, months or even years?
Have you had spells of sobriety, loved it but then found yourself drinking again and feel like you’re back to square one?
One of the conversations I have in just about every one to one coaching session is about how long Sobersistas have been thinking about giving up alcohol.
This week I spoke to one of your fellow sistas and she shared that she had been thinking about giving up for 3 years! Unfortunately this is quite common.
It’s heartbreaking to hear Sobersistas share their disappointment at not being able to stop, their shame and embarrassment about the repeated hangovers and events from the night before that they can’t quite remember.
The stress of this back and forth only piles on the pressure and makes it even more difficult to give up and even easier to drink.
The real issue with this is that you are only having an argument with yourself and ultimately the only person that will consistently lose this argument is you.
There is Hope
When I ask Sobersistas how they would feel if they simply made the decision to stop and give up the fight with themselves, I see that AHA moment happen and their faces and body language changes.
There is a sense of peace and understanding that simply committing to the decision to give up is all that’s needed.
If you think about stressful times you’ve experienced in the past that have driven you to distraction there will usually be a point where you made a decision to change things and the stress went away.
Perhaps you decided to quit your job because the one you were in was making you miserable, despite the great pay and benefits?
Perhaps you finally decided to leave a relationship after years of arguments and tension despite the upheaval that inevitably followed?
When we live with stress on a daily basis it is only making a decision to change the situation that will make things better.
What if all the stress and heartache you feel about your drinking comes from that unmade decision to commit to sobriety once and for all? What if you just do this one thing, make the decision, and you decide to live with the consequences of choosing sobriety?
I know that maybe where you are right now you might be thinking that you can’t do it, that it’s impossible and that you will fail. But you might not. You might succeed, so many women have, particularly if you take advantage of all the support that’s available to you.
I know that making the decision to give up gets put off because of the fear of what the future will be like but these fears are very often imaginary. You just need to read posts in the group to know that sober women are living life to full and having a great time.
What if you made the decision today and in 3 months time you realised you hated it? Whilst I know that you won’t hate it, and in fact will love it, the truth is that alcohol isn’t going anywhere, so if you really want to carry on drinking you can.
The power and choice of whether you drink is always in your hands but ultimately that first thought you once had about giving up is never going away.
A State of Un-Knowing
Unfortunately, you can’t return to a state of un-knowing. You can’t remove that thought from your mind.
And all the time you’re not making the decision to stop and continuing to drink you are simply prolonging your distress. All you are doing is arguing with yourself, so ultimately you will always lose. The stress you feel is coming from the unmade decision to give up.
Making the decision to stop today will give you that same feeling you had when you made significant, positive, decisions in the past. Look back on the big decisions you’ve made in the past for some ideas. You will feel empowered, energetic and ready to change your life for the better because you already know how to make change in your life.
We get what we focus on. So, if you are constantly saying to yourself “I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to drink” – what are you thinking about? Drink!!
If you focus on a future where you’re trying to imagine it as being free from shame, embarrassment, guilt, arguments and weird bruises – that’s what you’re likely to get – more shame, embarrassment, guilt, arguments and weird bruises because that’s what you’re thinking about.
What if you made the decision to stop today and shifted your focus towards all the benefits of being sober? How would that feel? It’s a much more positive way to approach sobriety.
If you committed to start taking care of yourself today, what’s the worst that would happen? Do you think you wouldn’t like sober you? That’s not going to happen – you will realise just how fab you really are! Do you think you won’t like your partner? That may be true but sobriety will be putting you in the strongest possible emotional and mental state to make the right decisions for both of you.
Give yourself a break
It’s utterly exhausting being in a state of stress and not making a decision to do something about it. Aren’t you tired enough yet? Do you really need to get to the ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired’ stage?
Making the decision will put you in a state of control and that will be a solid foundation from which to create the life you deserve.
Are you ready?