How To Silence Your Internal Drinking Voice
When you begin questioning your relationship with alcohol it’s likely you start listening to the voice inside your head.
You probably started out by lying to yourself:
YOU: “You’re drinking too much.”
DRINKING YOU: “No I’m not, the woman next door puts way more empties in the recycling than I do and she has a top job, looks amazing and has perfect kids.”
YOU: “It’s time to stop drinking.”
DRINKING YOU: “That’s ridiculous. Everybody drinks. I can’t possibly be the odd one out. Anyway, what on earth would I do instead – life would be unbelievably boring!”
Negotiation
One too many awful hangovers later you will realise you DO need to do something about your drinking and you will begin negotiating:
YOU: “I really need to stop.”
DRINKING YOU: “You can cut down first though can’t you? Maybe just a few at the weekend or on special occasions.”
YOU: “But it’s getting out of hand and I feel dreadful all the time.”
DRINKING YOU: “Okay so how about slowing down or changing your drink to something less strong and weaning yourself off it slowly?”
Fear
Then you realise you are fearful of what will happen when you get sober.
YOU: “I know I am using alcohol to numb the pain of the past.”
DRINKING YOU: “I will never be able to cope with the overwhelming pain and I need alcohol to make the awful feelings go away.”
Special Days
Perhaps eventually you make the commitment to do Dry January but leading up to it your internal conversations go something like this:
YOU: “Right, 1st of January and that’s it.”
DRINKING YOU: “But how am I going to do it?”
DRINKING YOU: “What if the detox is horrendous and I die?”
DRINKING YOU: “I will never be able to deal with the work stress and the crazy kids and the…and the…and the…”
DRINKING YOU: “I’ve never successfully stuck at anything so I am not likely to stick to it anyway, so there’s probably no point in starting.”
DRINKING YOU: “I know what I am like, I will walk out of a shop with a bottle of wine in my hand and not remember buying it. It’s a waste of time.”
You Give Up
Eventually, you don’t bother giving up and spend the next few weeks listening to your inner voice telling you:
DRINKING YOU: “Told you, you’re useless and pathetic.”
DRINKING YOU: “I can’t cope with the depression and anxiety without alcohol. I need it.”
DRINKING YOU: “I don’t think I really want to give up anyway.”
And then at some point, you will end up back at the beginning:
YOU: “It’s time to stop drinking.”
It can be totally exhausting going around in those mental circles and getting nowhere.
One of the main issues with much of this thinking is that it makes you feel more and more down on yourself…and the more you give yourself a hard time, the more you want to drink to blot out having to think about how awful you think you are!
The Answer?
It breaks my heart when I meet Sobersistas in this state. It’s a horrible Catch-22 because alcohol makes you feel depressed, negative and anxious so you drink which makes you feel worse.
It can feel impossible to get to that critical moment of giving up for good.
I have been working with women since 2017 and I have seen so many of them torture themselves with this internal dialogue that, ultimately, goes nowhere. In Sobersistas we have a saying to help you break the cycle of self-destructive thinking and begin to change that negative inner narrative.
You can remind yourself of it by remembering 3 letters: M L T
M L T stands for Most Loving Thing and it’s a reminder to get you to ask yourself the question:
What’s the Most Loving Thing I can do for myself right now?
Here is the alternative conversation when you use MLT.
YOU: “You’re drinking too much.”
MLT: “The most loving thing I can do for myself is to stop.”
YOU: “It’s time to stop drinking.”
MLT: “The most loving thing I can do for myself is to stop now because if I don’t I will go around in circles with this and end up months or even years down the line and still struggling with this.”
YOU: “I know I am using alcohol to numb the pain of the past.”
MLT: “The most loving thing I can do for myself is to get sober and get the help and support I need and deserve so that I can heal and live my life free of this pain.”
YOU: “But it’s getting out of hand and I feel dreadful all the time.”
MLT: “The most loving thing I can do for myself is to stop so that I can heal my body and mind. It will feel great to feel great.”
At the moment you might not feel like you are worth doing anything loving for yourself but I promise you, answering this question will put you back on the path to loving yourself as you did as a child.
To help you get clear about your ‘most loving things’ and other top tips to help you get started on your sober journey I have created a freebie just for you. Get your download today and start the journey you know you are ready to start.